The Old

Sun, Apr 30th 2000

I have been involved with a married man for 8 years. At the time we became intimate, he was living separately under the same roof with his wife. She threw him out of the house when she discovered our secret. He has been separated since that time and will probably never get divorced due to complex, financial/property settlement issues. She is even one of his business partners, in name only. The kids are all grown but I think hopeful, that the parents will get back together. Lately, my Significant Other and his wife have been attending family functions and sometimes sitting at the same table. He says it's in the interest of establishing an amicable relationship for the kids but I have my doubts. He admits to still loving her but says they cannot live together. Meanwhile, we are socially inhibited and can only go out if we drive to another town, where he can be anonymous. This is not doing much for my self esteem or need to have a healthy, intimate relationship. I've tried to break it off in the past but he always smoothed things over. I really can't stand the thought of losing him and I do love him. He has been very supportive of me in other ways, i.e., encouraging me to go back to school and complete my education, helping me financially when I needed it, etc. Now, he is trying to get me to see that I deserve better and wants to just be friends. He has even gone so far as to suggest that I date others. I tried going out with someone else and it was awful. I don't think I could ever find anyone as appealing in a million years. It's a difficult situation. Guess I just needed to vent but I would appreciate any feedback. By the way, I've changed and grown a lot since this all happened. Looking back, I would not make the same choice and I feel guilty about becoming involved with a married man. I was an emotional wreck at the time. Panic attacks were a regular occurrence. Now, I've gotten past my own divorce and have worked very hard, raised my kids, and have become what I feel to be a respectable individual. Except for this part of my life that is in such an awful mess.

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